Ah! A New Year! So much promise to throw away old, unhealthy habits and institute newer healthy ones.
I oscillate between making resolutions and not making any. One year, I'm all about it, the next, I vow never to do it again.
I've spent most of December 2015 reflecting on who I've become in the past two decades. I've definitely changed, and not always for the better.
I thought about who I was in my 20s. I was definitely a lot thinner. I started to think about WHY I was so much thinner in my 20s. I worked in two gyms. At one I taught spinning and at the other I worked 8 hours (2 of which I spent working out). After working out all day, I would take CrossFit classes. Yes, I'm serious. It was not uncommon for me to workout 3 times a day. I also ate better. I had to bring my lunch to work as I didn't have the time to go out to eat. My co-worker and I had an unspoken ongoing competition for the healthiest lunch. Flax, brewer's yeast and berries on plain yogurt, anyone? Mmmm. I wasn't in a great relationship and my excessive working out was probably an escape from that unpleasant reality. Fortunately, by my late 20s I had escaped the bad relationship and found a new, healthier one that suited me much better.
In my early 30s excessive workouts were replaced with excessive work. It was not uncommon for me to spend 11-14 hours a day at a job I really didn't like and rewarded me with lots of money and a workload that would crush 4 people. I used food to escape my daily stresses, gained 18 pounds and formulated a secret plan to leave once I had a baby (even though I wasn't even pregnant yet).
My mid 30s brought an escape from the crazy workload, my child-bearing years, and a whole new "mothering" and "business owner" identity. This was also the time I purchased a smart phone and decided to succumb to that whole "Facebook" thing. Fast forward to the present: I now spend hours and hours lost in the labyrinth of social media. As a positive, I can definitely say that my life has been very well documented these past four and a half years! I also see the benefits of social media for making my business grow. But is my life now its most fulfilled?
I think in the chaos of mothering, posting to social media and running a business, it's easy to get lost in the urgency of the post that needs to go up now (before it becomes old news), the e-mail that needs answering, the next business strategy and who needs to be separated before someone gets hurt (well, that's always the same two little people in my house).
Looking back, my favorite times in my life were when I was creating something, spending time with friends and family, connecting with other people and making memories. My favorite picture is one I don't have saved to a Cloud or on my smart phone. It's of my husband and me (before we were married) having an afternoon beer, barefoot and on a beach in Florida. His smile is one of pure joy and I remember my feelings were the same. We had just started dating and life was so full of promise and feelings of being PRESENT. The world was our oyster. We were completely devoted to living fully in each moment.
So to start 2016, I resolve to return to the world of LIVING and only occasionally visit the worlds of "posting" and "surfing." I resolve to put down the phone and make my husband, my family, and myself smile.